Lost and the Sovereignty of God.....

This past Sunday I experienced, for the first time, a miscarriage. My baby was about 7 weeks. I would have to say it was very hard and still is. But the peace that the Lord has given me can not be ignored. He has been so very gracious to me. When the sorrow becomes heavy there He is to comfort me. My heart is lifted and I even smile. I can't help but to think about our little one in the arms of the Lord. The joy and happiness that is our child's. How can I remain sad. But I go back and forth like this. I fall and grieve and then the Lord smiles on me and lifts my soul to rejoice. I know that it is not by chance but a choice that my Father has made and I rest in His goodness and His will. I will cry and I will hurt but I am not without GREAT hope. All of my other children where very upset that we lost the baby. Everyone was so... excited and my oldest sweet daughter had been making a stuff animal for the new little one. I didn't know that she was until I said to her hey why don't you finish your stuff animal and she replied, "I can't I was making that for the baby". My heart just broke into pieces. I told her make it anyway and we will put it in a shadow box with the baby's name. We chose the name Jesse/Jessie because we didn't know if the baby was a boy or girl.

~Trouble understanding~

I am a firm believer in that the enemy will sneak in at any broken wall. He goes straight to the weak ones, the smallest. When things happen I feel as if I could have prevented them from happening. I am the gatekeeper of my home and still he found a place to enter. I am not mad at God at all. It was my fault I was not  more diligent. I think back and say what was I doing at that time? Was I on the computer? Was I playing on facebook? Was my attention directed else where instead of at my post? The answer is YES it was. I can not get around that. I drop my sword and was off playing somewhere else. The enemy got in, he attacked. But I can say with the most confidence that the LORD who is great and mighty will NOT let him destroy us. This will be used as a reminder of why it is important to stand guard at all times with our swords by our sides while we do the work of rebuilding and protecting.When my children are in bed, is the time that I should do anything that has to do with this computer or anything else that takes my full attention. Some may not agree but when there is a hole in the wall and your attention is not where it should be, believe me the enemy will slide in and the damage will be done. But the LORD is gracious and HE will use it for our good. But some lessons I would rather just know then to experience them. Technology is good but if it takes us away from our gates, dulls our senses, takes our attention from our home and children then it is NO good. And trying to justify its importance, is just digging the hole deeper. If it causes you to sin pluck it out. When I neglect my precious and VERY important duties as a woman, wife, and mother then I am sinning and greatly. I am writing this blog while EVERYONE in my household is sleeping. But if I can not stay off of my facebook when my children are awake then it will be plucked out. Nothing is more important than, my children's safety and well being, also not to mention my ministering to my wonderful Husband. May you all learn that gate keeping is the most important thing the LORD has given to us as women and by His merciful grace may we do that with joy and ALL diligence! Let us stand at our places and give the enemy no ground with God's strength He will help us! Greater is He who is in us then He who is in the world!


Our enemies said, “They will not know or see until we come among them, kill them and put a stop to the work.”When the Jews who lived near them came and told us ten times, “They will come up against us from every place where you may turn,” then I stationed men in the lowest parts of the space behind the wall, the exposed places, and I stationed the people in families with their swords, spears and bows.When I saw their fear, I rose and spoke to the nobles, the officials and the rest of the people: “Do not be afraid of them; remember the Lord who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives and your houses.”  Nehemiah 4: 11-14